new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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