you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
