I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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