Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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