You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
