Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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