I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
