ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
