How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
