Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
