i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
