Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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