WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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