What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Boobs are out for the taking
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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