ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
