How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
