I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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