This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
