Someone shit on the floor
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
