did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
