On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
