I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
