Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
