And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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