Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
