She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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