Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
