Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dick very happy bro
how does that bad decision feel?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
