My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
