wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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