no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize