I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
