Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
