Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
