Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
