I wish i was in the wii world.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
