even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize