Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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