So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I need to stop coming to work sober
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize