are you so shy because you have an std?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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