loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
