it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
