Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
