Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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