it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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