Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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