halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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