In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
