Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
