i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
People in love make me want to vomit
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
