wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
