i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
