I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i will never coherently bang her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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