they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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