see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Randomize
