TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
