I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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