its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
