so that wasnt chicken after all
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
