Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
