I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
