im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Less talking, more tequila
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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