she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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