Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize