I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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