you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
