she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
