State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize