I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
