what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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