He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
